Sunday, February 5, 2012
When I'm trying to forget the feeling that I miss you.
Yet, it all comes back to this giant black hole of nothingness that sucks the light surrounding it. Everything spirals into misery and hopelessness. No matter what the scenario is, it all ends the same. I am talking to a screen. Whether you're there or not. Whether we're friends or not. You can never understand.
And this is the life I have come to know. For years. I try to connect, and reconnect. To make people feel they are a part of me. Letting them know that I care. In the end, I feel lonelier than the day before. No one will ever be there. No one really talks to me. They always want something I cannot give. I don't know what it is. I don't feel anything anymore. It has been like this since I don't know when. Maybe it's my choice to seek solace in sorrow. In rejection. I don't know. Life is meaningless.
Being alone all this time makes me dead inside. But what else is in store? Work. Home. Refilling my daily needs. Blog. Writing. Sleep. That's it. All of it. I have no urge to go out or meet anyone. Or to see places. I'm content in my room. Waiting for Death. My last stop. My savior. Dreams are dead-ends turning into nightmares. I have nothing to feel anything about. Neither happy nor sad. Simply being. Not living. There are always petty distractions but never the real deal. I am just not good enough for any of it. Everything hurts.
Why is it always my turn and never yours?
What are you afraid of?
Don't I mean anything to you?
Not even a friend in need?
Sunday, February 5, 2012, 8:30 PM
Feeling blue is from Darius Danesh's song "Colorblind".