let me tell you of the raven's sins.

Reading: Dylan Thomas Selected Poems (illegal stolen copy sue me).
Listening to: Night's quietude.
Mood: fallible.
2014 September 18, 9:40 PM.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Cause You Idolize


There is only Disappointment.


Of course. I suspected so. The only thing left to do is to hire the best brain surgeon in town, and let him replace my tired brain with another kind, the one that contains no memory of you. Only then, I will never think of you anymore. I will live a life of bliss, not wishing for something I can never have. I will be happiest. Without you. Or anything that reminds me of you. Oh, right. Might as well hire a heart surgeon. Replace mine with something that doesn't feel. No longing, no emotion, no ache. No loneliness. No you. Puzzle solved.

Here is the chance to be brave. To be stronger. I promised I would let go, so I am. What are the five stages of grief, again? Skip all and hit ACCEPTANCE at once. The only thing left to do.

I am best pretending. Fake a smile. Feign happiness. Act unaffected. Say that I am all fine. It doesn't hurt anymore. I've always known something like this would happen from the very start. Should have never been found. Should have never made that damn wish. Should have never thought that I would be good enough for anyone. Cause I'm not.

I am happiest alone. Happier when I write. Talking to myself. Like what I've been doing my whole life. Stop making expectations. Forget the dream; it was unreal. Forget the feeling; it was a lie. There are always others, I told them. Who can never be you, I told my heart.

What else did I forget other than the date? Green hair, brown eyes? That hole in your chest where there is no heart?

You know very well it was a made-up excuse to talk. You know I don't forget. Not even if my brain is swapped with a life-support machine. Never beg. I'm not that weak. Death my savior, I'll go back there. Typing in tears. Never letting you see that side. No other choice. Thus begin the game of a pathological liar.



Friday, February 17, 2012, 11:27 PM
Cause you idolize there is only disappointment is from Darren Hayes's song "Hero".

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