Friday, February 10, 2012

Because I Promised


I think I'm dying.

Or, at the very least getting so old. I've been having too many minor/major headaches since that cursed Monday teaching. The classes were fine, but somehow, the aftermath was horrendous. What have I done so wrong? Reaching six days of soreness.

The last time I experienced something like this was in high school when I had to deal with that sinus problem. I didn't totally fix it since it would require taking sleep-inducing pills that prevented me from concentrating in class. The other remedy was surgery. Which disgusts me to the bone. Imagine having some clinically uncaring doctor slicing your head open to remove your disease. I will never attempt such a nightmare. Medical doctors are not to be trusted. They're cold and inhumane.

In college, from 1998, through my work years until 2012, I was free from this irksome pain. Not sure what I did to keep myself healthier. It was just gone. No headaches. Well, not exactly true. I did have that near-death analgesic overdose somewhere in 1999 or 2000. That was to ease my sinus symptom.

Will writing about my illness alleviate it? Or making it worse? I used to sleep around this time, a little before or after midnight, to wake at seven or eight in the morning. But I need to commit to that vow to post three times a day, remember. I have to.

Positioning my brain in the writing phase coerces me to type automatically. I type, not necessarily write, and words emerge on their own. No time to bargain, or to be unmotivated. I have a target to achieve before next Wednesday. No matter how mediocre the result is, I will simply write. Poems and stories may arise any time.



Friday, February 10, 2012, 11:48 PM

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